Ikea vs Ben

DIY furniture: The scourge of man and man’s relationships with women, other men and animals. Ikea: The word makes some orgasm, some weep and some think stylish, reasonably priced furniture. For me, apart from frustration, I think of death. Let’s not forget the Cult of Ikea became so feverish that at the opening of the North London store, people physically threw themselves on the pyre of worship, so to speak. Last time we bought a chest of draws. Quite small, about five draws, piney, woody and shiny.

The cardboard packaging removed, all the composite guts of thing were strewn on the floor. It’s all wood basically and there’s only one tool, amazing. Ikea was founded by Scandinavian’s and they’re nothing if not down with good design and efficiency. Piece of Nordic piss. But it wasn’t, was it. Parallel piece A didn’t slot into peripheral piece B. Shouting erupted. The wooden screw driver tool was brandished. People were almost blinded. However, being British and using that supposed pluck like a cockroach surviving nuclear fallout, we prevailed. The object stood, if slightly to the left and all the draws worked. Ha ha, we really do live in the future, now.