Strangers in the night

Come Dine With Me, come let’s dine away. I think Come Dine With Me is, cook meals for complete strangers and judge them like a deity, great. It should be implemented as I kind of national service. From now on every person across this green and flooded (almost resembling water world, oh god, the oil pirates are coming) land should be put into random groups of five and made to cook and entertain one another. Come Dine With Me is, in a nut shell: five people, take it in turns to cook for one another. The dinner conversation all culminates in a mark out of ten.


The person with the most points at the end of the week wins £1000. Not much of a prize considering the time, effort and having to hear complete strangers prattle on about themselves. That’s the very reason I stopped leaving the basement. Inviting complete strangers into one’s home usually ends in Manson type killings but its alright if a camera crews there. You’re safe.


On to the positives : Bang! And societies ills are gone. People would no longer claim social benefits. “I can’t afford quail's eggs on this hand out and what of my home furnishings, it’ll cost me points!”

All drug use would stop: despite what you think, talking at someone on pills, weed, mdma etc does not result in memorable conversation however much you might laugh/see god at the time. Literally you wont remember what anyone said.


Thirdly, wars would end, as everyone would be too busy making sure they hadn’t overcooked the lamb to declare pre-emptive strikes.


Not only is Come Dine With Me entertaining in its own right but it could save the world. The only downside being, that all the energy used from kitchen appliances would leave us under water but that’s happened pretty much everywhere anyway. Go Tewskesbury!