Monday, 9 July 2007

Purger and Skynet

The Purger. It sounds a bit genocidal but I assure you its applications are not only peaceful but in theory could make international treaties run smoother.

I'll explain the Purger's applications in the Infomercial style:

Todd: Hello everyone! Today we're super privileged to have Mike Comma, the inventor of the Purgernator 9000.

Mr. Comma: Thanks Todd. Yes...that's right, I've brought with me the Purgernator 9000! It's like doing a spring clean of your whole body with an atom bomb.

It's simple: connect yourself up, press go and then the Purgenator's patented 'wish wash system' will clean your colon, suck your snot, empty your ears, urinate from your urethra and pour sweat from your pores!

*connects Todd for demonstration*


Todd: Holy *bleep* Mike, I haven't felt so clean and refreshed...ever! How do I get my hands on one?


With everyone feeling more clean and alert than any mere shower or Pro Plus pills could achieve, humanity would reach a new age of hygienement.

However, some sections of society would purge too much. Spending hours, sometimes days on the purge cycle rather than the recommended three minutes. With no new sustenance some would simply fade away. Other, more ingenious addicts would hook themselves up to a drip so that the purger experience could be prolonged indefinitely.

The Purgenator is not patented so if I see you on Dragon's Den trying to flog that bad boy i' absolutely nothing, that's how much I want it to exist. I think it could be the next Skynet but with more fluids.


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