Wednesday, 29 August 2007

MGS4 Foursome

There are to date, four bosses in the new Metal Gear Solid game. As another feather in the cap of feminism (can you wear feathers if you’re a feminist, or is that men forcing their will upon you?) all the bosses are female.

Not just any bunch of doll faces (bring it on militant feminists) but cybernetically enhanced doll faces. Each one having been the victim of ‘the trauma of war’ which is war speak for grievous injuries both physical and mental. Each has a creature code name, which is a running theme in the Metal Gear series i.e. Grey Fox, Solid Snake etc

Crying Wolf:

A sort of cyber dog thing (not the rave shop in Camden) which is constantly howling. Whether howling is a beneficial course of treatment for shell shock is debateable.

Raging Raven:

She’s a flying creature that resembles a hand-gliding instructor who has maybe been under a great deal of stress.

Laughing Octopus:A Medusa wanabe. Laughing is better medicine than howling as seen in the Patch Adam’s film. Take my word, you don’t have to watch that garbage.

Screaming Mantis:

Which, for the series faithful, will ring a bell. Mantis has been used as a code name before in the form of Psycho Mantis, one of the best MGS bosses ever.

Not the best boss to fight as you had to perform an r-tard inspired move of physically switching the controller port, less he read your mind and foresee what your character would do on screen. Uh. How the hell where you meant to know that the first time? Incidentally the connection continues, as Screaming Mantis seems to be levitating a small Psycho Mantis doll in the trailer. What does it all mean?!

As girl power goes, I’d much rather support these lovely ladies than the countless idiots that will shortly be buying Spice Girl reunion tickets. What do you want more, silicon implants or cyborg implants?

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