Friday, 24 August 2007

Why I hate going to the cinema in London

Going to the cinema is like flailing yourself. Apart from getting mugged for the ticket, which ranges from £7 - £15, you have to contend with the people.

You expect a certain number of r-tards to attend big blockbusters but even obscure films are being infected. I went to see Tales of Earth Sea, Miyazaki’s son's first stab at the big screen. I'd heard the film was dire which I’d come to terms with but was being optimistic none the less.

It wasn’t the film that made those two hours feel like purgatory, it was the audience. Or maybe just the back row. I couldn’t believe it, rude boys, roadman, had come to see this? This?! A limited showing Japanese anime film? To avoid sounding like too much of a Daily Mail reader, I’ll explain why they made, what was a crap experience turn into a latrine experience.

Phones: I thought it’d pretty much been establish as modern courtesy (is it that an oxymoron?) that you’re meant to switch your mobile phone off during the film.

They even have reminders if you’re a bit slow to prompt you. But the back seat posse thought fuck this. So, throughout the film some grimy ringtone kept sounding off, with the little prick saying, “Yeah, yeah, can’t chat now blud, manz be in the cinema, init.” Either his friend hadn’t got the message or the roadman in question hadn’t taken all the muttered, “what a prick” as enough of an incentive to switch it off.

Chatting shit: Again, mostly the back row posse, saying things like, “Yeah, dat mandem look like a pussyhole init. I could fuck him up.” That’s an impressive deposition but maybe one to be shared later.

Eating: This a bit of minor one but still annoys me when you can hear someone chomping away over the film soundtrack.

I think my spleen is clean now.


Blue said...

Better rent a film and stay at home really. Nowadays going to the cinemas is not like it was 10 years ago, and specially not in London. Shame on films, because some of them can only be seen on screen. Special effects are not the same at home, but you can feel more relaxed and even smoke a cigarrette too.
Go on writing, you have a nice blog.

Bjam said...

I agree and thank you for posting blue. A friend of mine has the full kit of ridiculously large screen, projector, surround sound etc but it doesn't feel quite the same and maybe it never will.

I do like the experience of going to the cinema but I haven't felt like that experience wasn’t shat upon since going to see The Fountain. The only reasons it wasn't ruined:

a) The cinema was very, very small and I assume that only fans of Darren Aronofsky work wanted to see it.

b) The limited advertising for the film.

c) The expense of the ticket at that certain cinema.

If that's the length you have to go to every time you want to see a film, it hardly seems worth it.